Upgrading Your Self-Belief
Why we run "Legacy Code" that keeps us small, and how to rewrite the program.
In the early months of 2008, I was just starting to date the man who is now my husband. We were talking one evening when he caught me off guard with something so deep it changed how I saw myself. He looked at me with such kindness and said:
“You are like a hidden pearl that needs to be opened. You have a beautiful soul, so why do you hide from people?”
At the time, those words felt like a seed planted deep in my heart. They were the foundation of our life together, but they also made me ask a difficult question: Why was I hiding? Why do so many of us go through life feeling small, even when we have so much beauty to share?
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about that moment, and I eventually realized that what he saw in me is something we all carry. There is a perspective that suggests our worth is not something we have to prove. You don’t become more valuable by having a big job title.
Instead, your worth is built-in. It is infinite. This wisdom tells us that every person is like a “whole world” of their own. When we think small about ourselves, we are simply closing our eyes to the unique gift we were meant to bring to others. You aren’t just a tiny part of the world. You are an essential part of it. If you are here, it is because the world needs exactly what you have to offer.
The truth is, the pearl doesn't change just because it is hidden.
While spiritual thoughts focus on the soul, modern teachers like Dr. Joe Dispenza look at the brain. He explains that “thinking small” is often a very strong habit our bodies have learned.
Most of us wake up and immediately start thinking about old mistakes or things we are worried about. When we do this, our brain stays stuck in the same old tracks. We feel “small” because we are repeating the same tired thoughts every single day. Our bodies get used to feeling “not enough.”
Dr. Dispenza teaches that we can actually “rewire” our brains. By shifting our thoughts and focusing on a bigger, more joyful version of ourselves, we start to break out of that shell. Science shows that your brain is not set in stone. It is soft and able to change. It can grow to match the big dreams you carry inside.
If you look at it logically, there is a simple reason why we stay hidden: it’s how we learned to feel safe. A long time ago, staying quiet and hidden helped people stay out of trouble. Our brains are still running that old “security software.”
In software engineering, we often deal with Legacy Code—old software that stays in the system long after its purpose is gone. It isn’t “bad” software. It’s the very thing that once kept the system safe.
But as a system grows, that old code can cause lag. Your internal system is doing the same thing: trying to protect a version of you that doesn’t exist anymore. You simply can’t run your future on software designed for your past.
So, how do we actually start rewriting this program? If we want to move from the habit of being small to the reality of being a “pearl,” we can try a few simple steps:
Notice the “Bug”: The next time you feel small or shy, stop and say, “This is just my legacy code running.” When you name it, it stops feeling like the truth and starts feeling like an old habit.
Practice the New Feeling: You don’t have to wait for something great to happen to feel good. Spend a few minutes each morning feeling thankful. This “installs” a new, positive emotion in your system.
Take a Tiny Step: In tech, we test new ideas in a safe environment. Try one small “brave” thing today. Maybe it’s finally speaking up about a technical concern you’ve had, or reaching out to a peer for a coffee chat. Every small win is a line of new code proving you are capable of more.
Learning to see your own worth doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a gentle process. It starts the moment you realize that the voice telling you that you aren’t “enough” is really just an old habit. A piece of software that has simply reached its expiration date. The truth is much simpler: you are far more precious than you’ve been led to believe.
We all face that same choice. We can stay tucked away where it feels safe, or we can do the brave work of opening up. For me, it took the honest words of someone who loved me to realize I was playing small. I hope today can be that moment for you.
I’d love to hear from you. Is there a piece of “Legacy Code” you’ve noticed running in your mind lately? Maybe today is the day you finally hit “delete.”
It is time to show your pearl.
Loved reading this! You’re such a thoughtful writer. I needed to read this today. Thanks for writing it. 🙏
This is beautiful Doina. It’s a path I’m on myself and it’s a long one but so worth it. Gradually my brain is changing for the better. Thinking small becomes such a default and realising you’re thinking that way can be half the battle I think. Only then can we begin to change it.
So happy you and your husband found each other. I’m lucky enough to have that kind of love too, very special 💜